I recently lost a friend tragically. While I do not know every detail, it seems it was due in part to a mental health crisis and in part by police who were ill equipped to handle the situation. I have had a very hard time processing the situation, and it made me think long and hard about the mental health crisis we are facing in the United States. We have been facing this crisis for many years. COVID-19 has only served to exacerbate the situation.
Why don’t we treat mental health with some respect!!
Based on the statistics I have seen, the prevalence of mental illness is nearly equal to the prevalence of cancer. Think about that! Now think about your feelings toward and/or treatment of friends, loved ones, and even strangers with a diagnosis of cancer versus those with a diagnosis of some form of mental illness. If you cringed somewhat, I bet you are not alone.
Why is it that we often blame those with mental illness and feel compassion for those with cancer? Note, my goal here is not to minimize cancer at all. People who suffer from cancer deserve all of the love they can be given! My goal here is to call attention to the judgement we often pass on to those with mental illness, because they deserve some love too!
Many of us can identify with situational depression – feeling despondent over the loss of a loved one, a break-up, a divorce, the loss of a job. Many of us can relate to anxiety brought on by the novel coronavirus. People are kind and tend to be there through these crises.
What if you felt despressed or anxious all the time? What if you struggled to get out of bed every day? What if you struggled to complete simple tasks like paying your bills or making a doctor’s appointment? What if you didn’t care if you talked to anyone, even your children or best friend, for weeks? What if you truly didn’t care if you lived or died? What if you were so anxious that you couldn’t leave your house? Many people struggle in the ways I have described. And some of them struggle for months or even years with no real relief.
What do we do? Well, honestly, we don’t know what to do, so we often just leave them alone and go away. We take their lack of interest in us personally. We say, “I am not going to be the one to always initiate plans!” We think they aren’t really trying. We get frustrated because it feels like they have given up.
It is hard to know exactly what to do. But I will tell you, when I have been in this spot, I want people to reach out….to get me out….to show they care even if it is uncomfortable. Anxiety is scary and overwhelming. Depression is hard. It is relentless. It is exhausting. And it is hopeless.
We simply have to do better. We have to treat mental illness like an illness, not like something that the person has control over. It is complicated. I struggle daily with knowing how to interact with loved ones who are battling…and believe me, I do not always get it right!
But we simply HAVE to do better!!!
Doing better starts with acknowledging that we aren’t getting it quite right.
Doing better starts with extending grace even when we don’t understand.
Doing better starts with showing up for that person even when it makes us uncomfortable.
Doing better starts with letting them know we care.
Doing better starts with no more blame.
Doing better starts with not giving up on them even when they have given up on themselves.
One day at a time…..let’s make an effort to do better!
