What a season!
These are tough times we live in for so many reasons. This election season has been particularly volatile and has likely shifted friendships and family relationships for some who stand on opposite sides. Emotions are high due to so much uncertainty in the world. Everyone is worried about what comes next and mainstream media only feeds the concern.
I have personally been upset by things that have been said and, unfortunately, I have also upset people I care about deeply. And honestly it wasn’t intentional at all nor do I think the conversations that upset me were intentional. But people are hurting right now. They are scared. Whether we think there is reason to be scared doesn’t matter – the feelings people are experiencing on all sides are real.
We are a country divided and I doubt that is going to shift anytime soon. We need to figure out how to live alongside each other. How can we do it?
Avoidance: Do not speak about issues with people who don’t share your views. Simply talk about something else. Nothing changes but nothing explodes. With some individuals and some topics, this is the best way.
Vent: Find your people. You know who they are. You can share your fears, concerns, and/or celebrations with them. We all need someone to go to with the good and the bad. We cannot isolate and keep everything inside.
Aside from venting, find other outlets for your emotions too. Get outside. Meditate. Exercise. Practice self-care.
Listen & Learn: This is the best way but it is the hardest. Listen to truly hear. Do not listen to change minds to your way of thinking. Do not listen to respond or prove wrong. Listen to learn and to understand. Listen to grow.
For me, I know if I can get outside of my own defensiveness, the impactful conversations can occur. It doesn’t mean I will agree always but I can usually see someone else’s viewpoint. And in doing so, I see them as a human being just like me. I see them as someone I care about deeply, and I want the best for them.
I have strong opinions and I have very opinionated friends. Maybe you are the same. Or maybe you are someone who prefers to sit in the background. Maybe you don’t feel confident enough to discuss or debate your views. We all deserve a voice and we deserve to be heard. Find the space where you can be heard. Find a safe place where you can ask questions without being criticized.
These times we live in can feel scary. People around the country are angry and afraid. Our world, no matter the leadership, needs healing. We can start by healing our own relationships, by not choosing hate but by choosing love. Maybe this sounds naive or too soft but there is nothing soft about doing the hard things. And I do believe in the healing power of love and forgiveness and, likewise, in the power of hate to divide and destroy.
The hurt that Americans are experiencing is heartbreaking. Something has to shift. It starts right here.
Well done Apryl, good for you for seeing the positive and making helpful suggestions. I saw Oprah do this after the 2016 election and admired her ability to maintain an open-mind despite an outcome I highly doubt she supported. Appreciate the tips!
Renée,
Thank you so much for the thoughtful comments. And to be somewhat in the same company as Oprah, I am humbled.
Xo – Apryl
Thank you for writing this! So true!
Thank you so much!!